Category: Daily Living
hey :)
I am not afraid to say, i got a couple of them myself. I have had 3 diferent aproaches and one helped, one made thigns worse, and one helped me explain alot why i do what i do.
When i was little, my parents used to try correcting me. they would show me what i did, but i would not notice what i did wrong. i was told that if i didnt stop, i would be sent to hospital cause i was mad, or something. That scared me, and my blindisms became worse.
at 17, a girl from school adressed me about it, and asked about it in a respectful way. she explained to me that others had noticed it and they spoke about me.
I thanked her for teling me, and went to adress my classmates. i was not mad, just glad she told me what ppl said. so, I spoke to my class during a lessson, and asked them "hey, if i do these things in class, could anyone just whisper my name, or do something to catch my attention? i know what i'm doing wrong." and they did :) and they respected me alot more afterwards. in fact, there is a guy who'd still make his signal to me, 8 years later. now it is more of a recognition-thing :)
the third time, i had been going through some really hard stuff. I was very scared and I ddidnt know what to do. That made my blindisms come back to a certain point, and it was as if i could not stop it. A friend of mine adressed it to me, and i knew very well, if i was gonna start work on dealing with them back then, i would not manage it. So, we came to an agreement, that when things would become a lil more established around me, we could start working. so, we did. im far from perfect, but it was so great to be met with respect, honest questions and that willingness to be helped. It is not easy for us with some of those problems to be laughed at, or to be told that we're dumb, or what ever. at least, what helped me, was to be given the choice. I am still working with alot of things concerning social etiquette, but i have not given up. I go babysteps, and am welll aware of my insecurities, challenges and posibileties. I still have many questions, but i do find some answers along the road, and that makes me sometimes happy, sometimes, sad. but most of all, i learn! right?
Does anyone have similar experiences?
- Ran -
I'm 26 now and have been totally blind since I was two-months-old. I've never really had any of the problems you're discussing. The closest I've come is rocking and putting my fingers in my eyes. The latter pretty much went away on it's own and after Mom told me a few times to stop and about the former Mom just told me "listen, Stevey Wonder gets paid for that" or she'd call me Stevey or say other things to get my attention, when I was doing it, and got me to stop when I was very little. Most people don't notice that I'm blind until I bring out my cane or they make a visual reference or something. So I can't claim to understand this. But I do know what it's like to try and beat something that's plagued you all your life. My enemy is procrastination. It's gotten so bad that it's practically taken over my life. But this year, I've moved into my own apartment, above the house, again and I'm really working on doing things in a timely manner, on finishing my self-taught Greek lessons in a decent amount of time and on keeping my place clean and free of clutter. Like you, i have my good and my bad days. You've just gotta try and never give up on yourself. You can do it.
I think, like with any bad habit, you just need support, someone to give you a few friendly reminders every now and then, and just know that it doesn't make you a bad person. I used to shake my head almost constantly when I was younger, but with people reminding me about it a lot, the head shaking became a lot less, and eventually disappeared altogether. Don't give up.
My parents saw very early when I started rocking, and told me to stop. I am grateful for them today.
People often don't notice that I am blind until I get my cane out, either.
It is hard for me though how to deal with people who do have blindisms. If they are a friend, I usualy approach them about it and I want to help them. It's hard for me though to do that with someone I barely know. I think it's a respect thing. I for once am glad that my parents stopped me. I do however agree that scaring people about it does not help. My parents have tried to scare me into other things, not stopping blidisms but losing weight etc., and that makes things only worse.
I agree, that good friends, who can beh onest with you, are the best support, and that they should be honest with you and help you stop it, because frankly, it might ruin a job possibility etc., because for most employers, the first opinion counts.
I agree with what's already been said. When I was little, my parents and friends noticed that I would rock. So they told me to stop and pointed out that I was the only one doing it and it didn't look right. I didn't stop overnight, but people would point out to me when I was doing it, and I eventually stopped. I own a rocking chair, which is the only time I do any rocking.
I don't remember doing this, but I was told I also used to poke my eyes, and my family tried to get me to stop for a few years. Eventually my dad put pepper on my hands once when I was about seven, and that was the end of that habit. I'm sure, at the time, I wasn't thrilled; but now I know adults whose eyes are sunk in from being pushed on, and so I do appreciate the fact that he was determined to make me stop.
I agree with what everyone has said. it's important to have a great support system, cause in the end that's what'll be most benneficial to you. when I was little, I rocked a lot...but instead of helping me understand it didn't look right, my mom verbally abused me. it wasn't till I got to the school for the blind that I learned to stop, and I'm grateful for that. I know it may be hard to stop, but know we're here if you need to vent, and try to get supportive people behind you. I know it often helps to have people who can relate, so feel free to contact me if I can be of any help.
Chelsea brought up a good point, as have a few others. Scaring someone to try to get them to stop, or berating them with personal insults is not the way to get people to stop, and if someone does display this kind of behavior towards you, you should kindly, but firmly, tell them that you need support, not punishment. After all, you wouldn't, for example, tell a smoker who's trying really hard to quit that they're a stinky fucker, would you?
Definately. :) And thanks for all replies.
often, I find it might become a "man i'm so perfect, i got no bad blind-habits"-thing." and it becomes at times scary (at least in my opinion), to go ahead and say "yeah, i'm one of them you're talking about"-thing. I also know it might ruin job-interviews etc, and like I said, friends and the support has helped alot.
actually, the other day, i had a real adrenaline-kick out of a comment i got. It was an older blind lady(probably in her 60's 70's). Wen she greeted me, she emediately said "are you sighted?"
"heh, no, i'm not."
she paused for a monent and then said: "but you do see some, right?"
Though she was blind herself, that really gave me a chuckle. I have also asked friends of mine who are not "guards" for me, how noticeable my blindisms are. They say the same thing that i m monitoring. it depends. if i have a good day, not too fearful or other tstuff, they are alot less.
speaking of prokrastination, man yeah .. that's a habit i know too lol.
and yes, sometimes it helps living on your own, other times, no difference at all.
e.g. those dishes grow on trees or something :)
again, thanks for replies :)
- Ranveig -
I do have a slight blindism, I wiggle my fingers a bit, but usually do it under the table.
And yes it gets worse when I'm scared or nervous.
And I know that even though it's less obvious than rocking back and forth, it's still a blindism that I should get rid of. My parents somehow didn't manage to do that. I started wiggling my fingers when I was 5. Only on the left hand, weirdly enough.
I don't even notie doing it most of the time. People haven't really tried to stop me because, as I already said, I try and do it under the table. Lol
Haha, two nights ago I went out to dinner with some friends. I asked for a Braille menu, and the waitress brought it. Then, on one of her many trips to our table to see if we needed anything, she came right out and said, "You don't look like a blind person." That amused me.
It's surprisingly satisfying when people tell me that.
I actually wiggle my fingers a lot too. Not all the time, but when I get bored, nervous, or really excited. I don't really know why. I've been getting better with it though, because people have brought it up to me.
I wish people would point it out for me. They just never did. Apart from my parents.
I know what you mean though, when people tell me that I don't look like a blind person, it satisfies me too.
One sad thing though:
We were sitting with a friend of ours, and I brought up that I had been in special schools all my life.
Our friend said: "Really? You don't look like you were in special school all your life."
I asked him what he meant and he said: "You don't rock and have blindisms."
This made me a bit sad ... does special school automatically mean that people have blindisms and behave weirdly?
And I'm thinking that there is some truth in that statement. And that makes me sad. Another reason why special schools aren't the best thing. They isolate blind people, and so they do their blindisms and have no idea that this looks weird to the outside world. Then, after school, they go into the outside world, and the sighted people laugh at them.
This is very sad. I think teachers and OTHERR STAFF IN SPECIAL SCHOOLS SHOULD BE MADE AWARE THAT THEY DON@T HELP IF THEY JUST LET THEM HAVE THEIR BLINDISMS> They should think of their future.
Just my opinion.
now, i beleive sighted have their sight-ism's too just that they are not realy that noticeable. Spoke to my mobility teacher yesterday (man that was a kick, (but that's another story). and he said "you? blindisms? heh have hardly seen it with you. and blindismns, wta's that about? we sighted go them too, just hat we've learend how todo other movements that are more "spcially acceptable","
kinda funny he would pont out that to me. another thing too, he said was that in egeneral, at least over here, sighted persons don't reay care, the yare not aware even if yu bumt into someone with your white cane, untill they take a second look. so, the "isms" are not often very noticeable.
when it coes to special schools vs regula schoos htere are both do's and don'ts to them... *sigh* I wish I had teachers that knew mobidily well in the beginning, but i didn't unfortunately.
- Ranveig -
I have never heard the term blindism...cute...but I get that too, the you don't seem blind or people coming up to me after have been around me for about an hour or two and try to show me a picture...thats when I usually have to be like, um, I can't see and they're like let me brighten it for u and I have to say I am blind...it's been happening my whole life...even as a prior post said, blind people swear I have sight, but I don't...must say though this does feel good like the others have expressed...but I don't have any blindism that I can think of I guess I dance crazy...but my baby loves it she thinks I am the best dancer ever...so other than that I don't think I have any
I agree with Pure Love. Schools for the blind often isolate their students, not only with blindisms, but in terms of accessibility. These students are led to believe that everything is already accessible, which is the case in those schools, and when they venture out on their own for college, they will soon find that they are in charge of making sure their material is in an accessible format.
Well this has nothing to do with this topics, but in general I had th experience that staff who were supposed to care for me, didn't even look how I behaved or if I had a massive stain on my shirt,or if I rocked or whatever.
And this can cause trouble when you are out of school. Bigtime.
well yeah I agree with ocean dream... even in public schools they give u a vision teacher that make sure your work is accessible...then u go off to college and it all falls on u...hard transition but can be done depending on the person's motivation
Even in unis and colleges there are people who can help you, I'm sure.
But you usually get a healthy shock when you go from a special school to a mainstream college or school.
I find the issue of "blindisms" quite interesting. I often wonder if some of them are involintary. Perhaps do to the lack of sight, the central nervous system requires some stimulus, thus we see these reactions. It's interesting as I said and certainly worth looking into.
I used to have this sort of head shaking thing. It wasn't all the time and it wasn't always that noticable. I mean, it wasn't a violent rocking or anything--just slight motions--but, it happened alright. More at home than in public. I still do it from time to time and I can say honestly that I am aware of it but cannot always do much about it. Hell, sometimes I'm not even aware of it!
Hmmmm yeah, I see what you mean there. But still, the less obvious, the better. Stimulous is all well and good but if someone is rocking violently during, let's say, a job interview, then, i'm sorry to say, that person hardly has a chance of getting the job. I know it is partly the sighted world not giving people a chance to find out how talented they are, but still one should try and have people around to help stop this ... especially when it's very obvious.
I'm not saying me wiggling my fingers is the perfect thing to do, but, it's not too obvious and maybe this is kind of a stimulous.
Maybe if people need a stimulous they need to have a look out for what they could do instead to stimulate them. Just a thought.
yeah, and that was the bottom line of me and my teachers discussion too :)
So, you are saying provide yourself with a more obvious stimulus?
yep, a more socially acceptable one :)
such as? do tell us.
Jiggling your foot is a fairly acceptable one, no?
Many siteds tap their foot.
I've met a lot of sighted people who tap their foot. Unless you're really noisy about it, or really violent about it, (and by that I mean slamming it instead of tapping it), it usually isn't very obvious. I agree. I think a slight stimulous of some kind helps a bit, although I would try and refrain from doing it when you are the person of interest in public, such as at a public speech, a performance, and/or a job interview, if this is at all possible.
Indeed, now one thing that bothers me is when people flip their pens around. both sighted and blind people do it and it's strange.
I drum my fingers on the table... but that probably has something to do with playing percussion for 8 years lol!
I used to poke my eyes a lot when I was little. I gave up that habit with lots of reminders from parents and teachers, but I still find myself rubbing my prosthetic when it itches but only then haha.
i've don the finger in eye for my entire life. and i'm 22, but it's more the fist now, and mostly when i'm tired... but trying to stop isn't easy, people have tried everything from bribes to ignoring me, to well everything really and it doesn't work. so i'm trying to deal with it and not do it so much... but it's all me...
I know plenty of sighted people who do the tapping of the finger thing too, so I wouldn't call that particular habit a blindism.
lol me either. I'd call it "drummers Syndrom" haha.
I dono whether this one is coming under the blindism or not but whenever I get stressed, I use to bite my nails. but not always, though.
other than that, everyone said I'm falling under sightism in general. none of the sighties can identify me as I'm a blind unless I'm holding my cane as I'm holding my imaginary partner in hands.
Raaj.
Nah, sighted people bite their nails too.
I've bitten my nails ever since I can blimming remember, lol, I've rocked, also, ever since I can remember, this probably stems from having both a rocking horse and a rocking lamb as toys when I was a very small child and later on, my Grandparents brought me my first rocking chair of two, the grown up version of which methinks, is just living in our dining room for now till we can think of a better place to put it, lol. Anyway, two down, hmmm, the finger tapping one to go. I didn't just do it on the table, I did it on the palms of my hands as well when I didn't have a table or something to tap on, so in the end, one Christmas, mum got me and my cousins these finger drum machines, where you tap these 4 or 5 round pads on this round board thing with a control box where all the drum sounds and things are produced when the softish pad in the middle with the drum circle things is tapped with the fingers. This drum machine thing didn't do a lot for me though, it didn't access the internet or anything like this netbook can, so I just put it to one side in one of the drawers in the big old chest next to me as I write this in fact so now, I just tweet, Facebook and/or play accessible games to keep my fingers occupied, lol.
Jen.
I had that drum thing although I never had that drumming issue.
Yeah the good thing is the drumming thing is totally not a blindism. I have loads of friends who do it! lol
If you're in tobacco country and you don't smoke plus happen to be blind, that's a blindism.
Move to Californica and light up like a big boy, preferably a nice stiff Drew Estate maduro, and ... uh, that's a blindism cause nobody else is doing it.
Some of y'all are like domestic birds, pulling at your feathers. It takes domestication / civilization to get birds to do that. They got collars for that, dunno if that'd work for you
The spiked one's that hurt when the masters pull on them. Lol I see your point but blindisms really do happen.
drumming with fingers is indeed a cyberjunkie or a drummers syndrome. hehe :) i had a guy in my class who would do these all the time. and he was a drummer ;)
I wonder if our blindisms can be compared to dogs wagging their tail or such .. because the nerves react and such... i don't know... but it does none the less make it acceptable in the sighted world nor in ours :p :)
I think you make a good point. I think it is some random firing of nerves.
i agree with everyone. but let me tell you something weird that made me stop poking my eye. hahahaha, my uncle said "oh, ow, ow ow, ow, ow, my foot hurts, and he would scream in pain. and i'd be scared. every time i'd poke my eye, my uncle would be screaming in pain as if he broke his foot and said if you poke your eye, you get arthritis in your hands. i kept doing it till i was like 14 and there was no way to stop that. so his method of screaming in pain actually worked for me. it's weird but it helps. another thing that worked was to have my hands occupied too. that lessened the chances of doing that. but something i still do is fidget around and move my legs and tap my feet. except in interviews. now my eye isn't sunken anymore because i stopped a long time ago.
My grandpa used to say, you'll look like an alien if you keep doing that and i'll have to get everyone to call you alien garces instead of priscilla.